On the same rake: yearning for exes. Part 2: Why it happens and what to do?

In my previous article I described what happens when we allow our yearning for exes prevail. Now it is time to discuss which situations provoke it and how to fight this desire for avoiding new problems. Lets observe most widespread situations.

You are drunk. Yes, the situation when a person is drunk and send messages to all exes is an object of ridicule. Such behavior seems so strange that people (sober) laugh at it. But the fact remains: a drunk person regret about his past and present, and try to change it immediately! The reason of it is simple: the alcohol influence on part of the brain which are responsible for self-control and realistic assessment of situation. They work worse and a person do thing which seem reasonable in drunk state. And if a person drinks the alcohol regularly, this parts of the brain are also depressed regularly. So erroneous decisions happen more often even in sober state. If you want to save clear consciousness (and not to return bad relationships) know when to stop.

You are unhappy. Sometimes it influences even stronger than an alcohol. You break with him and hoped things would get better. But it didn't. Then, being in bad relationships, you could at least to concentrate at this relationships and it was the main problem. Now, when you are free of it, you noticed you have many others: lack of money, disregard of boss, stagnation in professional life, worsening of health. And subconsciously you understand: if I repair relationships, I will have a big problem, but only one, and will not be ought to solve all this! The antidote: not to succumb. So solve all this problems gradually.

You are alone. Some people suffer from loneliness because it is difficult and financial or/and domestic aspect, some are afraid of conviction of society, and for some the feelings of loneliness are terrible by itself. There is one way: to become more independent. Of other people's money, domestic help, of public opinion, of communion. It doesn't mean to become a hermit, to refuse family and friends – you just have to learn to endure loneliness calmly. Psychologists may help with it. At the same time you can partly get what you need from services, friends, social clubs, association in the Internet, books, films, seminars. Study to satisfy your needs not from only one source. Study to get satisfaction by different constructive ways (I mean there are also destructive ways to satisfy ourself – drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, overeating, endless conflicts. This ways are destructive because finally they destroy a person and worsening the life).

You feel stress. The stressed person also loose the ability to esteem situation objectively. And also in stress people are prone to search the resort in habitual patterns of behavior and habitual relationships. Because familiar things and people seem more safe for our subconscious. But often they are not. So we should notice what we do and tell ourself it is influence of stress. And to take appropriate steps to get back to normal. Avoid situations where you can feel stressed as purposefully as you can.

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Read the first part! https://talkirend.blogspot.ru/2018/02/on-same-rake-yearning-for-exes.html