On the same rake: yearning for exes

Why some time later we begin to yearn for our partners from the past, although at first we could be be glad that we broke? In first part you will know which are symptoms of yearning for ex-partner.

It seems, you finally got rid of him. Or of her. Behind are left scandals, late returning home of your soul mate without warnings and without crisp explanations, numerous attempts (fruitless) to clarify and to improve relationships. It should seem you should cheer, to make a fresh start, to met new people or conversely to pay attention to yourself, if inner incentive (инсЕнтив) demands it. And really some time everything is going exactly like this. It seems that the sun came out of clouds, the shroud fell from eyes and shackles from legs. One wants to sing and to enjoy the life.

But several months passed, or half a year, or year or even several years, and you fell some anxiety. Some time later this anxiety becomes stronger, bigger and begins to whisper: “Yes, he was betraying me and didn't want to marry, but at least it was funny with him...” “Yes, she always was drain on my pocket and was complaining I earn not enough but still she was good in bed”. Our mind begins to play game: “yes, but...” A familiar story, isn't it?

Same rake

What happens after that? Usually – either attempts to retrieve an ex-partner, what result in new unpleasant adventures, or if attempts are not successful/one doesn't have enough determination for them – low mood, apathy or even depression.

The retrieval of the partner usually doesn't give desired relief. And not so much because people don't change but because they do it seldom and slowly. And appears the feeling of deja-vu – appears scandals again, the rage, guilty, jealousy... A person understands he or she fell into the trap. Most quick-witted break off relationships again. But whose who is prone to a forgiveness give unsuitable partner the second, third, fourth, eighth chance... And like so till there will be a pile of ashes insist of nerve.

And a partner often also feels disappointed. He also was thinking that this time everything will be differently. And you also fell short of his expectations. So an emotional temperature raises more and more each time. And the breakup which happened once again, will be likely poisoned by mutual denunciations even more than first time. And sitting on the ashes you will probably ask yourself not once: “Why did I engage in it again? Indeed, as they say, it is impossible to step into the same river twice.

The sad results

Most of us understand it by the mind. But still sometimes under the influence of an alcohol or during the difficult life period we begin to look back, in the past. And the quite voice, telling: “yes, but...” becomes more and more persistent. And it is impossible to convince it by any reasons of the intellect. There is a modern proverb: «Give the person the second chance, and he will give you such experience, that nobody never will get from you even the first chance”.

The most sad result of stepping on the same rake is the closed heart. But we could open it to another person, to gift him our warmth and to get it! But it doesn't happen due to fear, which has sticked in our subconscious time and time again after unsuccessful resuscitations of relationships. There appear such thinks: “What if I am not meant to be happy?” “What if I deserved all this?” “What if he|she is right, doing all this?” “What if it will be same or even worse with another person? Then it is better to be alone at all”. And it is already a sign of a deep trauma. And work on it is a subject of especial analysis. It is better even not to bring to such situation.

So why desides of the extensive experience we feel yearning for exes? And how to overcome the craving to them for saving ourselves?

To be continued.

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Read the second part: https://talkirend.blogspot.ru/2018/03/on-same-rake-yearning-for-exes-part-2.html